Some months ago, I sat in a cafe with someone as we talked about the current state of our lives. They looked at me square in the face and told me my life was a mess. At the time, I took offense to that comment because a. I didn’t ask their opinion and b. it seemed harsh considering I was fighting an uphill battle and doing my best. Nonetheless, in many regards they weren’t wrong, especially as it pertained to boundaries or interpersonal relationships.
The funny thing is, my life isn’t a mess at all. It’s actually pretty straightforward and maybe too calm/structured these days. For most of the year I’ve felt like I was suspended in a free fall but now everything has settled and my life has discipline and purpose. I’m working towards multiple personal goals (running my half-marathon, learning German twice a week) and getting settled in my new job. My house is organized, I’m eating healthy. I’m reading and listening to audiobooks. I have trips planned. I have a nice schedule and routine with Russell. I’ve picked up my camera again and made it a habit to take it with me to the park and on my lunchtime walks. I’m writing again and working on my substack. I’m doing my best to take ownership and atone for my messiness and inappropriate behavior during a very stressful time in my life.
What more could you really ask for out of life on a day-to-day basis?
I’m genuinely so thankful for the support system I have in my life and for the people who were patient with me this past year. I’m indebted to my closest allies who showed up for me and lifted me up when I needed a hand. I’m finally in a position to give back to those friendships and relationships which gives me immense relief.
The summer solstice is coming and as corny as it sounds, I feel the metaphor strongly. It’s the longest day and the shortest night of the year. I finally feel like my life is outweighed by the light rather than the dark.
I was in Europe during the summer solstice in 2018—Italy to be specific. I was on a work trip but that night we went into town for the summer solstice celebration and to grab dinner. I remember sitting with my colleagues Juan and Walter, both at the time were at least twice my age. They told me they wanted to expose me to as much authentic Italian culture as they could on my trip and explained the importance of the summer solstice. We spent the longest day of the year together drinking wine on cute street in a small Italian town talking about life and how complicated it can be at times. Moreover though, those two men told me how simple it can be, too. That if you look at it head on and prioritize accordingly, it can all be straight-forward, and that’s exactly what I’m doing.
der sommer kommt~