It was a weird day in Berlin weather wise. I woke up to a hot, muggy summer day with sunshine and clear blue skies. Within the hour, it got pitch black and the wind picked up. Poor Russ isn’t a fan of thunderstorms but I’ve missed them, especially in the summer.
I lit a vanilla candle and wrapped Russ in a soft blanket. I made a cup of coffee and stood in my kitchen watching the storm get progressively worse. It was only here for an hour or so but I enjoyed the change of pace.
I tackled some work projects and had a good focus block. On my lunch break, I started packing for my trip. This is the furthest I’ve gone from Germany (or Europe) since I moved here. I’m oddly prepared for this trip days in advance and have everything aligned well so far. I’ll even see my therapist tomorrow before I go. I made a list of the things I’d like to talk to her about and where I feel stuck right now. She lets me talk, or ramble rather, then she detects certain patterns or themes in my emotions and stories.
She asked some questions that really resonated with me in our last session. I’ve been thinking about them since. I’ve gone for walks and thought through them at length and journaled about them. Together, we’re working on a plan for how I can see myself in a better light and find a way to make peace with my mistakes and shortcomings. I’ve written apologies I won’t send because they wouldn’t be received well, I’d guess. It was healing to write them nonetheless.
St. Maarten
And then, in two days, I’ll be off to St. Maarten! I have pictured myself coming around the corner at the airport terminal for quite some time. I can’t wait to collapse into the arms of people who love me unconditionally, who I haven’t seen in too long. I can’t wait to wake up at 7 am and have a coffee on the deck with them or have a beer while looking out to the ocean. I know I won’t want to leave but I’ll wait until I deal with that thought.
deutsch lernen
I’ve been in German class tonight. I took a pause (ich mache eine kleine Pause) from writing this when I sat down in my seat and directed my attention to the German language for 1.5 hours…as I do every Monday and Wednesday evening. I’ll have to miss my classes next week and despite being on vacation, I’m kind of bummed. I enjoy riding my bike to school after work and seeing my classmates.
They’re all really nice.
They serve us little cookies and tea. The atmosphere is pretty chill and I feel confident speaking and asking questions. It’s also nice going back to learn the grammar and articles properly because that’s definitely not my strong suit.
Anywho, it was my last class before vacation. I looked at the calendar today and I think I’ll stay in classes until the end of the year. I like the structure, working slowly towards a goal and at that rate, I would actually be in a B1 level where I can talk to my coworkers. Time will tell.
writing again
And here I am, writing again. I’m consistently updating my website and blowing through rolls of film. I’m creating playlists for different moods. I’m finding ways to express myself again. Writing has always been my refuge. Even if it’s nonsensical at times or if nobody reads it, it feels good to do it and that’s what it’s all about.
I just got home and it’s raining again. Russ jumped up on the couch next to me because he’s scared of the thunder. I’ll make something to eat, book my tickets to France and call it a night.
a weird weather day in Berlin~