I’ve been adjusting to life changes lately and while I haven’t been writing here, I’ve been journaling and sending letters to people back home. I read a quote today that said something to the effect of not feeling like you exist in one place but in many simultaneously and that’s how I feel currently.
I need to get another roll of film… that’s a note to myself. The days are getting darker and colder in Germany and I’m trying to keep the momentum up. Yesterday, the sun set promptly at 4:02pm and then we launched into an eternal darkness until 8am this morning. I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill, staring out the window into the skyline watching everyone below do their shopping and head to the train. Running has been a good form of catharsis for me and I feel powerful with my endurance, or how I’ve learned to push beyond the discomfort or exhaustion I feel. It really does become a mental exercise more than anything at a certain point.
As I was running, I thought about the seasons. I’m a big proponent of them and what they bring for a change of activity and lifestyle. Winter indicates rest and slowing down to some degree but for me, I can’t let it bring me to a screeching halt. At the very least, I’m trying to remain active after work despite the total darkness enveloping me before I’m done working for the day. I’ve decided my focus for this season will be both on discipline and creativity—sounds like a conflict of interest, no? I guess my brain is able to compartmentalize the two for the sake of pursuing two routes in my head that are unrelated to one another.
I’ve been on a mission to make myself feel better holistically by diet and exercise as the driving factors. I’ve done research on how to increase my energy as we dip into a cold, dark season and found exercises that make me want to go to the gym despite the strong pull to stay home and hibernate instead. I told someone recently I wanted to feel strong and I mean that in every form of the definition. I want to feel strong mentally and physically and those two definitely go hand in hand. This is where running has been so pivotal in highlighting this connection and paving the way for a two-way exchange.
But then I think of creativity and the down season of winter and I find myself trying to find things to do. I don’t want to overcomplicate this but I do think I can be consuming things (creatively) that will spark interest in other areas. I have a new book I’d like to read. I have a movie I’m excited to watch. I have essays I want to write. I have projects I want to pursue… this includes learning to bake something. I miss reading. I used to read constantly and then I endured a horrible period of time where my mind couldn’t focus on reading a book or sitting down to watch a movie. I hate to use the word torture but it certainly felt like a close form. I used to make collages on post cards and send them to my friends. Maybe I should do something like that again.
Anyway, I’ve been looking at tickets to Spain or Portugal to break up the six months of grey that lie ahead. This will be my third German winter and I didn’t handle the first one so well. Last year, I’d say I made the most of it and was quite active. For a year (or since January) I’ve kept an active log of all the major activities I did every month and the places I’ve traveled. When I go back through that list, I’m impressed that a. I did all the things on that list and b. that I was consistent each month in tracking them. I’ll likely do the same for 2025 and if I had to guess, there will be a lot more activities and places traveled on the docket.
I have to finish some work and then I’ll meet my friend for coffee at lunch time.
bis zum nächsten Mal!