Li’l Kendie – Page 17

Heute, ich schreibe auf Deutsch! Es ist nicht perfekt, aber hier wir geht. <<– does it translate 1:1? idk? Do Germans say here we go oder Los Gehts exclusively?

Ich klinge wie ein Kindergartenkind, ich weiß. Est ist herbst. Herbst ist mein lieblingssaison. Ich liebe Übergangsjacken-Wetter. Ich verstehe Celsius immer noch nicht ganz…..oder Kilograms, Kilometers, und so weiter. Wenn es regnet, ich brauche suppe, Grießnockerlsuppe. Ich mag es, wenn die Jahreszeit wechselt. Es ist ein Neuanfang, ich denke. Und so, ein Neuanfang im Oktober.

Ich frage mich, wie meine Persönlichkeit auf Deutsch sein wird. Manchmal habe ich das Gefühl, dass ich ehrlicher oder direkter sein kann, da es nicht meine Muttersprache ist. Aber ich brauche mehr Vokabeln dafür. Ich habe kleine Gedichte auf Deutsch geschrieben. Sie waren dumm.

z.B.

Ich bin nur kleiner baby Muffin.

oder

Ich bin das kleine Bild in deiner Handyhülle.

Ich weiß nicht, warum ich angefangen habe, sie zu schreiben. Es war Spaß und eine neue Art, mich auszudrücken. Na ja.

Ehrlich gesagt, ich liebe Deutsch. Es ist sehr schwer aber es war meine Omie’s muttersprache. Ich vermisse sie. Ich habe deutsche Freunde und möchte mit ihnen sprechen. Ich bin so hart zu mir selbst, wenn ich einen Fehler mache. Ich versuche, nicht zu sein.

Und so, ich wünsche Ihnen einen schönen Oktober, meine Freunde.

I haven’t had much downtime lately which is okay but that also means I haven’t been able to get my thoughts out in my journal or here. I have a lot of thoughts recently and I wouldn’t say they are well organized but they’re floating around. From traveling for work to having guests at my house, I’ve been going nonstop and I have an hour on my lunch break to regroup. So here we are!

I have had a series of guests over the past week and it’s been a fun change of pace to show them around Berlin in a way I don’t get to experience so much anymore. The simple delight of walking down the street with a beer and not getting tackled and arrested for doing so is a privilege I exercise regularly and truly enjoy showing my friends from back home. For having lived in Germany for multiple years now, it’s always interesting for me to see what people from home really love about the way of life here or don’t understand at all. I found myself telling them that if I allowed every set back or difference carry substantial weight in my mind, I’d never survive here and that’s the truth. Life here isn’t so different but all at once, it can be a lot to take in. Aside from the complex steps in what should be easy daily tasks at time, I don’t find myself getting as frustrated or short tempered about a lot of the things that come with being an expat.

Overall, I feel exhausted. Something has been happening recently and maybe I’m not fully conscious of it but I find myself hitting a wall and feeling completely depleted of all physical and mental energy at one time. I don’t know if I’m exerting energy in waves and not getting enough rest but when the wave of exhaustion hits, it’s severe. Last night I got home from a cycling class and dinner with a friend (and Carly who’s visiting!) and I was checked out. I had a theory that these waves come from the nonstop stress of a taxing year now leveling out and my body trying to play catch up or if I’m just doing too much. Maybe I need to audit this, I’m not sure but I’ve never felt this consistently tired in my life.

Aha- a perfect dovetail into the subject I really wanted to talk about today which is….dreams! When I’m in a deep slumber, I wake up and remember my dreams with almost perfect recollection of every detail and an accurate timeline. When I share my often obscure dreams with people, I’m usually met with the response, “I never remember my dreams.” I’ve always attributed my dream recall to having an above average memory which is, as I’ll always say, both a blessing and a curse depending on the day. Anyway, I had an interesting dream that I’ll share here.

With a little background, I’ve had two people in my life tell me the color of my aura either upon meeting me or knowing me for a significant amount of time. Funny enough, both of them said the same color. Coincidence? I’m not sure. But in my dream last night, there was an apartment building party. My neighbor who’s a monk was sitting with me on the couch. We were linked arm and arm talking about things in a very light hearted, warm way when he looked at me and said with confidence that my aura was orange. As you probably guessed, this is the color that the two others said as well. I remember this part of my dream so clearly as if it actually happened to me. And so of course, I looked up auras and colors, etc.

This morning when I woke up, my brother had sent me a quiz to determine which vegetable I was. The quiz was cute and light-hearted and at the end, it revealed I was a carrot. Look at the orange aura, baby! Anyway, I just thought it was funny and right on brand with my orange aura / Monk mash up.

I love remembering my dreams. I love seeing people who aren’t in my life anymore there, too. I like decoding the meaning of a weird dream or spending my morning coffee pondering what it could mean. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I feel lucky to remember them at all. Maybe it won’t always be this way but for now, I enjoy that part of me.

sweet dreams!!