Category: Posts

i don’t even know what to say right now.

rest in peace, jeb.

for my brother

having a coffee in the morning with my dog is one of the greatest joys in life

i told my colleagues i was going for a run and one of them asked me, “what are you running from?”

i’ve never really thought about it like that. on the contrary i’d say i’m actually running towards something vs. away. i go for runs not really for physical exercise but to help clear my mind more than anything. i can work through some complex feelings on a medium-longer run.

yesterday as i was running through Karlsruhe, i had quite a few thoughts to work through. i was in desperate need of a run because i had a lot on my mind and i was overwhelmed/burnt out from socializing for three days straight. i took off in the thick humid heat towards the city center. as i ran i had this moment of gratitude for the way running has changed my life as of recently.

running has taught me patience and discipline. running has forced me to sit with uncomfortable thoughts or even physical fatigue and pain but continue pushing through. running has kept me consistent and honest with myself.

anyway, i’m just grateful for the ability to move my body and push it to limits. moreover, i’m grateful for the mind-body connection.

laying in bed, listening to music in the dark will always be one of my favorite things to do

i miss my dad

Look, I don’t care who knows it… I love my birthday. Despite my dad getting eloped on my 11th birthday, the day is always something I look forward to. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m a Leo but I love a reason to celebrate or have a nice day. Over the years I’ve done all sorts of things on my birthday and I’m genuinely excited for it to come around this year. Last year was the exception. I didn’t want to celebrate or do anything and that fact made me sad.

Since I’ll be 32 soon, I thought about my 16th birthday. I still have the photos and it made me happy to revisit that memory vault. On this particular birthday I could tell you where I was in life… I was dating a guy who was away at college playing football at a division 1 school. I had a solid friend group who I had been friends with since I was a kid. I was looking forward to having my license and starting my junior year. I didn’t realize what was looming around the corner. I didn’t know it would be my last birthday with Alyssa.

In true American fashion. we went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. My mom ordered a sheet cake from Safeway with literally 5 layers of buttercream frosting on top. For my birthday that year I had asked for special edition Red Hot Chili Peppers CDs and every Incubus album for my collection. We had just redesigned my room and made the theme red and black. I had a new writing desk where I’d sit and listen to music for hours and write on my blog (Xanga) or chat with my friends on AIM. I was working at the local water park and concert venue. I’ve had a job since I was 14!! I had to request to have my birthday off from work—a unique experience for a 16 year old.

Here are some pictures from that night. I’ve always had good friends and good birthdays. Thank you to everyone who’s made them special over the years. It’s hard to believe these were taken 16 years ago.