Category: Posts

I feel like a car idling outside the house waiting to take a big trip.

 

 

my brain feels like it’s going to explode. I took my bike out tonight for the first time in months and listened to music. It’s the first time I’ve been able to focus in a long time.

I’m in the process of selecting photos to encapsulate 2023. It’s really hard distinguishing which ones should make the cut as to not make the list exhaustive.

In the meantime, I’m actually really proud of this…

wrapped 2023

For the past few months, I’ve been trying to mediate in the mornings (not very consistently) but when I have, it’s been really nice. I usually view meditation in the traditional sense: in a seated position, eyes closed, being led by a soothing voice to silence my mind.

As time goes on, I’m finding meditation or rather meditative states in other forms, too. Today, I made a cup of coffee, put my headphones in and listened to Led Zeppelin. I closed my eyes and didn’t think about anything but the song I was listening to. I pictured myself back in California driving near the ocean and it was soothing.

I find myself going home in my meditation mind. I don’t think I allow myself to think about it very much but in these moments of silence, it’s at the forefront. Sometimes I miss unique American experiences like getting in the car and just driving. If I could do one thing right now, it would be just that.

A mental exercise I do when I’m feeling overwhelmed is to think of a time where I felt safe, a time that is so comforting without evoking extreme sadness but rather a feeling of security and equilibrium.

If I close my eyes, it looks a little like this:

I’m in the passenger seat and we’re driving home to Tennessee. It’s dark and the car is warm. Russ is in the backseat sound asleep. I look out at the road and there’s only darkness and the faint sight of the road from the headlights. In the background, I hear Mannheim Steamroller’s “Toccata” playing. It’s silent aside from the music and I find comfort knowing we’re on our way home. Soon, we’ll see the people who love us and tomorrow, we’ll wake up and have a cup of coffee with them.