I wrote in my journal this morning and set intentions for my next little journey around the sun. For me, 31 was like being thrown into the deep end of the pool with zero idea of how to swim but quickly realizing I inherently knew how to tread water. And despite feeling like my legs or arms could give out at any minute, somehow I kept moving.
For my own records, I’m writing this as a way to hold myself accountable for the things I’d like to work towards and accomplish. In this next year of life, I want to continue taking steps forward in various areas. When I was 25, I set out to live abroad by 30 and I did that. Now, I’m looking at the next year and what I want out of my life. It’s such a gift to be able to look at things in this way and I don’t take that for granted.
Physical and Mental Strength
I have never felt stronger in both areas. I want to continue strengthening my body and mind. I want to continue learning German at a pace that’s sustainable. I want to keep exercising and pushing my body to healthy limits that enable growth and progress. I want to try new things that encourage strength, flexibility or openness in both my physical and mental state. I want to keep going to therapy and learning about why I am the way I am—take that however you’d like. I want to work on my photography and writing. I want to become more secure in myself and my decision making. I want to practice patience and stillness in moments where I could otherwise be reactive or angry. I want to continue going to yoga weekly and sitting with uncomfortable thoughts and literally in uncomfortable physical positions. The mental connection there is really something if you let yourself be vulnerable.
Community
I am luckier than most in the small but mighty community I’ve built for myself in another country. The security and love I feel from those around me here is unlike anything I’ve felt in any place I’ve lived as an adult so far. I know that if I needed help, I have people who would come to my aid. I run into friends in town and see others regularly for dinner, a coffee or a walk. I want to continue pouring love and attention into these relationships and build new connections as well. Berlin feels like home to me and I want to continue laying down roots here to feel deeply connected to the place and people. I want to be involved in activities and groups that support this.
Adventures Near and Far
I’d like to say I’ve been a hermit for the past year but it simply isn’t true. Sometimes I have this intense guilt for living abroad and not making the most of it with spontaneous weekend trips but the fact is, I live here and I have time. I also have a dog who grounds me in one place and for that, I’m actually thankful. It forces me to slow down and be present at home where I may have otherwise fled and tried to get out of my environment instead. Over the past year I went to Budapest, Tenerife, Cologne, Munich, Dresden, Düsseldorf, Karlsruhe, Hamburg, Lüneburg, Rhodes, St. Maarten, Zurich, etc. And so as I list these places, it’s a soft reminder to myself to feel appreciative for the places I visited vs. regret over the places I didn’t. And soon, I’ll go to Prague and Vienna. I can’t wait.
I want to take a big trip this year. I want to go to Japan. Sometimes I sit and watch videos of the trains in Japan or ones of the countryside. I watch the videos of the small, neon lit alleyways with the sounds of the city on a loop. I fantasize about going to the hot springs or seeing the forests. I’ve always felt drawn to visiting Japan and I’d really like to make that happen.
In the meantime, though, I want to enjoy Europe. I’ve never been to France or Spain. These are things I could easily make happen within the next year and I hope I will.
Setting Boundaries
This will be an ongoing one for the rest of my life, I assume. I’ve made big strides with setting boundaries in the past year and it’s made my life so much easier despite the discomfort on the front end. I have to keep setting these limits around my time, capacity and the way I can show up in peoples lives. My relationships and friendships have improved because of this and that’s the totem I need to carry in my pocket when I start to lose my way.
I read books and I journal about this. I’m also trying to respect other people and their boundaries better, too. I want to understand how I can show up to my friends lives in a way that’s healthy and constructive. It goes both ways.
Time with Russ
Russell and I have had a year of intense bonding and reliance on one another. What would I do without my angel of a dog? Spending time with him and slowing down has been such a gift. I’ve taken him to so many new places over the last year. I’ve walked hundreds of miles and had one-sided conversations with him. He’s 9 years old now and I want to ensure I spend real quality time with him outside of my normal duty and obligation. I’ve set time aside where I lay with him and take a nap on the weekend. Or I dedicate a night to staying in and watching a movie, just the two of us. Or I bring him along to the ice cream shop down the street so he can have a whipped cream cup and I sit with him on the steps, my ice cream melting in my hand while he enjoys his treat. I guess what I’m trying to say is: I want to be mindful of the time we spend together and make him feel like I make time for the two of us to be with each other, too. Some of the best days of this year have been sitting somewhere with Russell.
And last….
I just want to keep connecting to myself in the deepest way possible. I’ve learned so much about myself in the last year through hard truths and quiet moments. I’ve listened to hours and hours of music. I’ve cried my eyes out. I’ve gone for walks. I’ve written until my hand was cramping and demanded a break. I’ve read books. I’ve listened to podcasts. I’ve watched movies. I’ve altered my style to align closer to who I feel I am. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I’ve made a lot of progress.
And so, I enter my new age and another year only hoping to continue developing and learning from those around me. At least now I can do so in a way that feels constructive and healing.
Here’s to zweiunddreißig, I guess~