last night i had to take the night train back to Berlin with Russ. you could say i wasn’t in the best head space but so it goes.
i carried him, along with my bags on the multiple escalators until we stood at the platform, tethered to each other waiting for the train to arrive. once we got on, we plopped down in between cars and sat on the floor. always connected, always side by side.
Russ will be nine years old tomorrow and i’ve been thinking about that a lot. i’ve had him since i was 23 years old and he has been with me through nearly every second of my adulthood. i don’t really know what a life or routine looks like without him. he has such an interesting, dynamic personality. people are always surprised by this because dogs are regarded as more simple animals to understand in comparison to cats. not Russ, though.
i’ll go more into this in a dedicated russell post tomorrow, though.
so there we were, sitting on the floor together. i hadn’t eaten all day and i had my back against a wall (literally and figuratively) about to rest my eyes when the DeutscheBahn contoller came over. she asked if she could find us a more comfortable spot but i said we were fine as we were. she insisted i follow her and she pointed out that i seemed tired. (see picture below for confirmation)
we had our own compartment with a sliding glass door all to ourselves. now i could actually relax and fall asleep knowing russ was contained and we were alone… until a knock came at the door. a woman popped her head inside and asked if she could sit in the compartment with us along with her partner and two kids. my initial thought was: i could think of nothing i’d hate more than to bring four people in here with Russ and be forced to make small talk. i could tell she was tired as well and looking for a little refuge for her family so i said sure.
and i’m really glad i did.
i spent two hours talking to these women about where they’re from, their recent travels and the problems they were facing in their personal lives. they broke open a bag of Mozartkugel, one of my childhood favorites. their kids played with russ and he was thrilled. i didn’t realize how much i needed that interaction and how nice it could feel to share a compartment with total strangers and reveal personal information. i was genuinely sad to part ways with them once i arrived in Berlin.
and then we were back home. and by home, i mean home. as i walked out of the main station, running on fumes, i saw my brother and isabel waving from across the street. at nearly midnight, they were ready to get russ and i to drive us home. when i jumped in the backseat with russ, i saw a bag of dried mangos, my favorite edeka smoothie and roasted corn. they had my snacks waiting for me knowing i didn’t eat a single thing all day.
as we drove home, we circled the victory column (i always refer to it as the gold angel) and i stuck my head out the window. it was so beautiful with the moon lighting up the sky. we got back to our street and did a loop around the neighborhood together so russ could stretch his legs before bed.
it was quiet and warm.
as we got to our building, isabel gave me a side hug and welcomed me home. i walked inside and collapsed on the couch with russ.
i have a lot on my mind right now. i’m really trying to sort it out. i think i just need to take some long walks and listen to instrumentals.
we’ll see.