Look, we’ve entered Leo season and we’re rounding the corner to my favorite week of the year. . . my birthday week!

I don’t know why but I’ve always looked forward to my birthday despite the fact that there’s always a dark cloud surrounding the day. I won’t go as far to say that my birthday is cursed but historically, some not great things have happened in and around that time. Despite this, I retain a childlike optimism about celebrating my birthday and continue to plan for a nice day.

I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed at work recently and I’m about to enter a marathon week of traveling and working. From Wednesday until Saturday evening, I’ll be working (and/or socializing) from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. I’m packing my running shoes so I can carve out early mornings to myself, as well as the book I’ve been reading for the train and the 20 minutes I get to myself before bed. After spending four days in Karlsruhe, I’ll feel that I’ve earned a day of rest and celebration.

I’m going to France for the first time! While it’s on the border and still feels German in many ways, I’m excited to just go. I booked a cute hotel in the city center and my only goal is to walk around, drink the regional wine and have something sweet to celebrate my birthday. I want to eat good food and sit in the sun. It feels like the calm before the storm. Later this month I’m going home and I’m genuinely looking forward to that. My dress is almost ready for my childhood best friend’s wedding. . . it’s starting to feel like I’m actually going. Carly and I got vouchers to go to SpaWorld and we’ll have an entire weekend to ourselves. I can’t wait to ride in my dad’s jeep with the top off and his little dog Tucker on my lap.

I’ll try to go home more often. I don’t want to ignore it anymore. I want to see my family and my friends. I’m finally ready for it, I think. I’ll go home (aka to my mom’s condo in Florida) again in January to escape the German winter but that’s a story for another day.

Happy Leo Season!

my favorite kind of night in Berlin. eating pizza outside, going to the movies and riding a bike home.

i saw Frances Ha, a movie i haven’t seen in years. i had a radler and popcorn. i got to spend time with my friend who i haven’t seen in a while. we celebrated two years of knowing each other.

every time i listen to this song i’m transported back to like 2006 when they used this in the OC.

a simpler time lol

I’ve spent a lot of time complaining about the lack of “summer-y” weather in Berlin. . . but I gotta say: I’m done with that. Today, I took Russ on his normal morning loop and it felt like a late September/early October kind of weather. It’s chilly but the sun is out. There’s a breeze and I don’t know, it made me really happy. It’s my favorite kind of weather and wearing a sweatshirt and feeling comfortable outside is something I look forward to at the end of every summer.

I started asking myself why I was so fixated on the lack of blistering heat. I don’t particularly love when it’s hot, hot but it tells me where we are in the year. I’ve mentioned this before but I very much need four distinct seasons in order to feel like each block of months has been in its rightful place. I think that’s why when the weather is feeling more fall-ish, it makes the months blur together for me.

I was looking through my pictures today trying to find something in particular. Somehow I ended up on fall 2020 and it was like a gut punch. We drove from California to Tennessee with Russell so we could visit our families. It took us four days and we traveled through Lake Tahoe, Reno, Salt Lake City, parts of Wyoming, Colorado, Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri and finally, Tennessee. It was a nice drive despite it taking four days. I mean at this point of the pandemic, there really wasn’t much to do anyway. I spent time with my dad and stayed at my grandma’s house. I worked remotely from the “pod” aka the room/loft above my grandparent’s garage. I opened the door on the balcony that’s right off the office portion of the pod and had the chilly air circulating through the screen door. From that vantage point, you can see horses next door, a small wooded area at the bottom of the hill and the mountains in the far distance. It’s peaceful up there.

I had stocked up on pumpkin items at Trader Joe’s and brought them along with me. I had pumpkin coffees in the morning with my dad and on my lunch break, I’d sit with him and my grandma and have sandwiches together. At night, my dad made a bonfire and we roasted veggie hot dogs and made s’mores. Sometimes thinking about this stuff makes my chest hurt. It’s like longing for something that doesn’t exist anymore because well, it doesn’t. I can never get that back but that’s life I guess.

Later in my visit, I stayed with Adam’s parents in Knoxville. We decided we’d go all out for Halloween. We decorated the house, we made spooky cocktails, fall snacks, a big pot of chili and cardboard gravestones. My dad came to visit because he loves Halloween. We handed out candy to the little neighborhood kids in their cute costumes. These are the things I really miss about home—the fall season, specifically. I’ve gone to “Halloween” parties in Berlin but they aren’t the same.

Last year I was here alone so I watched the Halloween episodes of my favorite shows (I was on a Boy Meets World kick) and I lit my spooky candles, made some chili and laid on the couch with Russ. Maybe this year I’ll throw a party, I don’t know. But the point is, I was thinking about this time and how nice it was. How the pandemic, despite feeling hopeless and miserable, also resulted in some of my favorite memories.

I’ll be home soon. 

Photos from the archive of fall 2020~

i went for a long run yesterday. the weather was nice and i had the energy, so why not?

9 miles or for my euro friends 14.5 kilometers!

it felt really nice to be outside, listening to a podcast and moving my body. i need to be in good running shape since this will be my primary form of exercise with all the traveling coming up in the next two months. auf geht’s!

same lol