I’m back, again! In an attempt to keep writing, I’m holding myself accountable and writing something, anything here. If I’m being honest, I feel a little spread thin between writing for work, my substack, and most recently: my German journal. But like anything, I know that if I keep doing things and stay consistent, it will flow out of me again versus feeling like a chore.
I just finished the book I was reading and it’s really stuck with me the past few days. The theme is her role as a therapist but the main point is when she become the patient in therapy. It takes an honest look at her own behavior, patterns and decision-making skills while sitting on the other side of therapy. It’s honest and her uncertainty around her direction in life resonated with me. I don’t feel as itchy as I used to in this regard but for many years of my twenties, I was reminded daily of the incongruence of my direction and projected path.
I have a few more books loaded on my Kindle from the library and they’re lighter in content. While I was on my work trip, I thought about how it felt to be 17 and reading a light book at the beach. For some reason, I haven’t allowed myself that freedom in a long time. I have a stack of books ranging from language learning to self-development or heavy topics in the non-fiction category. I just want to lay on my balcony and read a book about an adventure, a mystery or a summer fling and get through the book with ease. I spent a lot of time last year listening to books while I ran. I like that, too.
Sometimes I need less noise
Last night I was in a horrible mood and I couldn’t snap out of it. I packed my backpack with two bottles of water, put Russell’s leash on and set off into the summer evening. Sometimes at the end of the day, all I want to do is walk but facing the decision of where to walk paralyzes me. Yesterday, my brain was fried so I just started walking north, away from my apartment. Considering the summer heat, I decided to go towards shade and nature. I’ve been craving time in nature more than I have in a long time, like actively. So I went to the Tiergarten and I have to say, I’m very lucky to live so close to this big, beautiful park. Russell was so eager to smell every inch of the park and we just meandered through, directionless and unfazed by the time going by. Once we reached the shady park, I wasn’t worried about keeping Russell outside despite the temperatures. We’d stop for water breaks when he gave me the signal and to my surprise, I was the one who had to drag us home. He wanted to continue going deeper into the park, despite his hour and thirty minutes of exploration.
I came back from the walk in a much better mood than when I left. This was my goal, of course. In September, I’m taking Russell to a cabin in Austria at the foothills of the Alps. He’ll be able to go swimming, hiking and running in open spaces. I’m really looking forward to it. I’m considering it his grand birthday present and a proper celebration of him, for him.
For my walks and clearing of the mind: my go to playlist at the moment
side note: steep hills of vicodin tears makes me think of an epic but sad movie montage and gets me wayyyy too deep in my feelings.