I was at the gym last night and I put on a 90’s playlist. As I was nearing the end of my workout Zombie by The Cranberries made an appearance. Normally I would have skipped this song given the environment but I let it play through. The link I have to The Cranberries is kind of funny because it mostly reminds me of one of my oldest friend, Jen’s stepdad. He gave me his used Razor phone and the ringtone was Linger (lol).
Anyway, I was listening to this song last night and it reminded me of being a sophomore in high school. I couldn’t drive yet but my friends were starting to. I can vividly remember “discovering” bands like The Cranberries and playing them in the car while my friends chauffeured me around. When I was listening to this song last night I thought about my two best friends from high school Jen and Jo. I thought about the three of us driving around together or spending 3-4 consecutive nights together. I remembered the summers we spent by Jo’s pool or watching movies in her movie room. I thought about throwing on a tshirt or pair of shorts over my bathing suit to run to get food at McDonald’s or something similar. And the three of us riding in the car listening to music with the windows down in the summertime. I can’t think of my childhood/teenage years without thinking of the two of them.
Jen’s getting married soon. I’ll stand next to her on her wedding day and celebrate her. It’s something we’ve talked about since we were kids. When she asked me, I said yes without hesitation. Then I realized it meant I’d have to go home to visit and that gave me pause. I haven’t actively wanted to plan a trip home. I don’t know why but also I kind of do. I’ve said it a lot, even on this blog but I’ve completely severed my brain from my life here and the one back home. I don’t want to go home and realize my brother has actually died. I don’t want to pull down the driveway to my grandparents house and be hit with the realization that my grandma won’t be there to greet me at the door. Nearly three years have passed since I was home and a lot has happened, naturally. Not all of it being bad but change nonetheless.
Jen met someone new and got engaged. Jo had her third child. Carly has a new boyfriend I’ve never met. My dad moved to a new house. So on and so forth.
I won’t make some big sweeping announcement about going home (other than here) because my time will be limited and I’ll be spread thin. I want to wake up in Carly’s apartment and have a coffee with her. I want to see my dad’s dog running at me in a full sprint and jump into my arms. I want to hug my dad again. I can’t wait to stand on Adam’s parent’s back porch and hear the birds or sit at the counter with his mom and eat grapes from the bowl that always has a vine of them. Honestly, I can’t wait to go to Target. I’m looking forward to celebrating one of my oldest friends and bearing witness to the start of a new chapter for her.
Long story short, I’m getting my ticket and I’ll be home in late August. Home of the free, land of the brave…land that I love!!